Gorodenkoff

Santa Claus is too white.

Too male.

Too judgmental.

And apparently, the “naughty and nice” list teaches children that “the colonizer has the power to judge all people.”

This isn’t satire. This is an actual blog post from Brighton and Hove Museums in the UK — an organization that just received £900,000 (about $1.2 million) in taxpayer money.

Your tax dollars at work. Decolonizing Christmas.

The Crimes of Father Christmas

According to the museum’s “Joint Head of Culture Change” (yes, that’s a real job title), Santa has multiple problems that need addressing:

He’s white.

He’s male.

He’s Western.

He judges children’s behavior.

He determines who “deserves” presents.

The blog post asks: “But who decided Santa should be the judge of children’s behaviour in every community?”

Apparently, teaching kids that good behavior gets rewarded is now colonialism.

The Elves Are Oppressed Too

The museum’s recommendations for fixing Santa include having him “work alongside his elves on the presents production line to show they are equals.”

Because the real problem with Christmas is insufficient workplace democracy at the North Pole.

Santa can’t be the boss anymore. That would reinforce hierarchical power structures. He needs to be a co-worker — just one of the team, hammering out toys alongside his equals.

Never mind that the entire Santa mythology is built on him running a toy workshop. That’s problematic now.

Mrs. Claus Needs to “Emerge From the Shadows”

The post demands that Mrs. Christmas “emerge from the shadows and take her place at his side.”

The museum explains: “Patriarchy and colonialism went hand in hand.”

So Santa Claus — a mythical figure who brings joy to children — is now exhibit A in the case against patriarchal colonialism.

The recommendation? More “Mother Christmases.”

Not Mrs. Claus helping Santa. Multiple female Santas replacing him.

Because nothing says “Christmas cheer” like dismantling the patriarchy.

“Have Santa Learn About Different Cultures Rather Than Judge Them”

The museum’s Simone LaCorbinière (the Joint Head of Culture Change) has specific ideas for reforming Santa:

“Have Santa learn about different cultures rather than judge them. Stories could show him experiencing their traditions.”

So instead of delivering presents, Santa should attend cultural sensitivity training as he circles the globe.

Instead of rewarding good children, he should be “experiencing traditions.”

Instead of the magic of Christmas morning, kids get a lesson in multicultural appreciation.

Sounds like a blast.

The “Naughty and Nice” List Is Colonial Oppression

Here’s the museum’s thesis:

“The tale of a white, Western Santa who judges all children’s behaviour has problems. As he visits each nation, he determines if the children deserve presents based on being ‘naughty’ or ‘nice.'”

Teaching children that behavior has consequences is apparently a tool of colonial domination.

The implication: Naughty children shouldn’t face any distinction from nice children. Everyone gets presents regardless of behavior. Otherwise, you’re oppressing them.

This is participation-trophy culture applied to Christmas mythology.

A “More Diverse Character Who Celebrates Cultural Exchange”

LaCorbinière’s vision for the new, decolonized Santa:

“A more diverse character who celebrates cultural exchange.”

Not a jolly gift-giver. A diverse character. Celebrating cultural exchange.

That’s not Santa Claus. That’s a corporate DEI training module in a red suit.

Children don’t want cultural exchange for Christmas. They want toys. They want magic. They want the excitement of wondering if Santa will come.

But the woke museum knows better than centuries of tradition.

Father Christmas Predates All of This Nonsense

Here’s what the museum conveniently ignores:

Father Christmas first appeared in English folklore in the 15th century as a spirit of winter and good cheer.

He was referenced in carols as “Sir Christëmas.”

He became a symbol against Puritan bans on Christmas in the 17th century.

He evolved into the modern gift-giver in the Victorian era.

Santa Claus isn’t a product of colonialism. He’s a product of centuries of folk tradition celebrating generosity, wonder, and the joy of giving to children.

But why let history interfere with ideology?

“The Worst Possible Use of Taxpayer Funds”

Senior Tory MP Sir Alec Shelbrooke responded appropriately:

“At a time of goodwill and festive cheer, it seems woke do-gooders would rather everybody was miserable. This is the worst possible use of taxpayer funds.”

£900,000 of public money. To pay someone called the “Joint Head of Culture Change.” To write blog posts about decolonizing Santa Claus.

While people struggle with cost of living increases, their tax money funds this drivel.

The “Joint Head of Culture Change”

Let’s pause on that job title.

“Joint Head of Culture Change.”

Not “curator.” Not “historian.” Not “educator.”

Culture Change.

The museum isn’t preserving culture. It’s changing it. That’s the explicit job description.

And what culture are they changing? Christmas. The most beloved holiday in Western civilization. The celebration that brings families together and teaches children about generosity and wonder.

That’s the target. That’s what needs to be decolonized.

What They Really Want

Strip away the academic language and here’s what the museum is saying:

Western traditions are inherently problematic.

White, male cultural figures must be replaced or reformed.

Teaching children that behavior matters is oppressive.

Joy and magic must be filtered through ideological correctness.

Nothing is safe from deconstruction — not even Santa Claus.

This Is Why People Hate Woke Culture

Normal people love Christmas. They love Santa. They love the magic of children believing in something wonderful.

Then along comes a taxpayer-funded museum to explain that actually, Santa is a colonizer and the naughty list is oppression.

And they wonder why there’s a backlash against woke ideology.

You can’t even let children enjoy Christmas without some credentialed academic explaining why it’s problematic.

Leave Santa Alone

Here’s a radical idea:

Maybe Father Christmas doesn’t need decolonizing.

Maybe a mythical figure who brings joy to children is actually fine the way he is.

Maybe the “naughty and nice” distinction teaches valuable lessons about behavior and consequences.

Maybe Mrs. Claus doesn’t need to overthrow the patriarchy.

Maybe the elves are happy making toys.

And maybe — just maybe — taxpayer money shouldn’t fund people whose job is to ruin beloved traditions.

Merry Christmas. Despite their best efforts.