California to Destroy Ancient Forest to Save You from the Weather

Travellingdede / shutterstock.com
Travellingdede / shutterstock.com

If you haven’t been convinced yet that the climate hoaxers are the most dishonest frauds in human history, this story should do the trick. California is allowing a private equity company to destroy an ancient forest of endangered Joshua trees to make way for another massive, ugly farm of dopey solar panels. Don’t worry, it’s for a good cause. By destroying the natural beauty of the Mojave Desert with ugly solar panels, California will be saving you from the weather.

There’s a tiny town in the Mojave Desert called Boron. It’s just a few miles northeast of Edwards Air Force Base. The area around Boron is home to a large forest of Joshua trees, a weird and kind of cool-looking desert tree that can live for more than 200 years on little to no water. Joshua trees have a strange shape to them, so they can’t be used for much of anything other than firewood. The trees have been protected under the California Endangered Species Act for many years now.

The state is so serious about protecting Joshua trees under normal circumstances that the California Department of Fish and Wildlife (CDFW) will throw you in jail if you’re caught cutting one of them down. As a private citizen, you can be fined up to $4,100 and sentenced to six months in prison for the illegal taking of a Joshua tree.

But if you’re a shady private equity company that wants to rip out and destroy 3,400 Joshua trees so you can uglify the environment with inefficient solar panels, the state of California is all like, “TIME TO DIE, ANCIENT FAIRYTALE FOREST!”

The company that California is allowing to destroy the endangered forest is called Aratina Solar Center. It’s owned by a parent company called KKR, the second-largest shadowy private equity firm in the world behind Blackstone. The guys sitting in air-conditioned offices in Manhattan and Singapore who run KKR fully realize that the optics of this operation are sub-optimal. So, rather than stacking the 3,400 dead endangered Joshua trees in a pile where the public can see them, they plan to deploy massive stump grinders and turn the trees into sawdust.

KKR also plans to offset its fake “carbon footprint” from this environmental devastation project by purchasing public land grazing permits. The idea is that if a private equity firm that owns no cows purchases the grazing permits, then there will be fewer cows farting in the forest, which we all know is the main cause of (totally fake) global warming.

The problem with that scheme is that it screws actual cattle ranchers out of having a place to graze their cattle herds. Which is intentional. With no cows grazing on California’s public lands, thanks to KKR, the grass grows too high and burns up in the hot summer heat. This guarantees that there will be a wildfire on the public lands, and then California Gov. Gavin “Hairgel Hitler” Newsom will squawk about global warming and try to raise everyone’s taxes.

And thus, the Circle of Life of Democrat Party Corruption is complete!

The public loses, the natural environment is destroyed, and an ancient forest that draws tourists to the area is replaced with an ugly, industrialized solar panel plant. But at least Charlize Theron will be able to charge her Tesla at her mansion in Studio City. Don’t worry, taxpayers. This is all for your own good. Gavin Newsom and his private equity firm buddies are destroying the trees to save the forest.

 

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