News Sloth

Steve Sanchez Photos / shutterstock.comLee Zeldin is on a roll, folks, and it’s looking like he might just be the Republican Party’s next big thing. The Senate has officially advanced his confirmation, which means he’s one step closer to joining the ranks of Washington’s elite. Now, you might be wondering, who is this guy, and why is he suddenly […]

Daniel Tadevosyan / shutterstock.comIn a turn of events that underscores the unpredictable nature of our current political climate, Matthew Huttle, a participant in the January 6 Capitol protests, met a tragic end just days after receiving a presidential pardon from Donald Trump. Huttle, who had been granted clemency for his involvement in the events of that day, was […]

In a move that’s sure to ruffle the feathers of the perpetually offended, President Donald Trump has signed a series of executive orders aimed at restoring sanity to our armed forces. Gone are the days of mandatory diversity seminars and pronoun policing; the military is getting back to basics. First on the chopping block: Diversity, […]

Ah, the Pentagon—our nation’s defense powerhouse—deciding to take a breather from social media. Sounds like the kind of thing only a government agency would do, right? Well, the Pentagon has officially announced a 10-day pause on most of its social media activity. That’s right, in a world where almost every organization, from Taco Bell to […]

In a move that can only be described as the world’s most tragic homecoming, tens of thousands of Palestinians are streaming back into northern Gaza. After 15 months of relentless conflict, the area has been reduced to little more than a sprawling junkyard of twisted metal and shattered concrete. Yet, with a ceasefire in place […]

Obatala-photography / shutterstock.comIn a move that can only be described as ‘bold,’ French Prime Minister François Bayrou has announced that Europe must ‘stand up’ to U.S. President Donald Trump or face being ‘dominated, crushed, and marginalized.’ Yes, you heard that right. The leader of a country whose most famous military strategy involves rapid retreats is now calling […]

fizkes / shutterstock.comIn a move that has left many scratching their heads, President Donald Trump unveiled the farewell letter left for him by his predecessor, Joe Biden. The letter, addressed to “Number 47,” was discovered tucked away in the Resolute Desk, a tradition upheld by outgoing presidents since Ronald Reagan scribbled a note to George H.W. Bush […]

Ron Adar / Shutterstock.comIn a move that can only be described as ‘strategically perplexing,’ New York City Mayor Eric Adams decided to forgo traditional Martin Luther King Jr. Day events in his own city to attend President Donald Trump’s inauguration in Washington, D.C. Now, attending a presidential inauguration is typically a prestigious affair, especially for a sitting mayor […]

Photo Spirit / shutterstock.comIn a tragic turn of events, a U.S. Border Patrol agent was fatally shot during a traffic stop in Coventry, Vermont, approximately 20 miles south of the Canadian border. The incident occurred around 3:15 p.m. on Monday, as the nation was abuzz with discussions on immigration policies. The agent, identified as David Maland, 44, had […]

maximpolak / shutterstock.comIn a development that feels like déjà vu, the Middle East is once again the stage for a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas. This time, the truce has led to the release of three Israeli hostages: Emily Damari, Romi Gonen, and Doron Steinbrecher. After 471 days in captivity, these women have been reunited with their […]

alexkich / shutterstock.comIn a move that would make even George Orwell raise an eyebrow, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has inked a ‘100-year partnership’ with Ukraine, pledging unwavering support and a steady flow of heavy artillery. Because, apparently, nothing says ‘long-term commitment’ like sending more weapons into a conflict zone. This grand gesture comes as NATO allies, […]

Naresh79 / shutterstock.comWell, folks, it finally happened. President Joe Biden delivered his farewell address from the Oval Office, and let’s just say it was as poignant as a Hallmark movie marathon. With only days left in the White House, President Joe Biden was saving a few surprises for his farewell address Wednesday evening. In a move that […]

Julian Prizont-Cado / shutterstock.comIn a move that can only be described as the diplomatic equivalent of leaving a ‘kick me’ sign on your own back, President Joe Biden has declared that his foreign policy legacy provides incoming President-elect Donald Trump with a ‘strong hand to play’ on the global stage. Yes, you heard that right. The same administration […]

lev radin / shutterstock.comIn a move that’s sure to ignite debate, House Speaker Mike Johnson has suggested that federal disaster aid for California’s wildfire-stricken regions should come with strings attached. Yes, you heard that right. The Golden State, currently resembling a scene from Dante’s Inferno, might need to meet certain conditions before Uncle Sam opens his wallet. Johnson, […]

tadamichi / shutterstock.comIn a move that surprises absolutely no one, Special Counsel Jack Smith has tendered his resignation from the Justice Department after submitting his final report on President-elect Donald Trump. Yes, the man who was supposed to be the harbinger of accountability has exited stage left, leaving behind a 137-page tome that reads more like a […]