Oops! Historic All-Female Space Walk Crew Drops Their Tool Bag in Space
Woohoo! History has been made! Diversity, equity, and inclusion have triumphed once again! Take that, you MAGA-TARDS with your white supremacy! The very first all-female spacewalk has just concluded and now everyone knows that women are better than white men at EVERYTHING! Neener-neener-neeeeener! It looks like… wait… what? Oh, dear. Well, this is embarrassing.
Before we go any further with this hilarious story, we just want all of our readers to know that we fully realize that this sounds like one of those sexist comedy articles on The Babylon Bee. It’s not. This actually happened a few days ago and you can confirm it yourself with a powerful pair of binoculars.
Astronauts Jasmin Moghbeli and Loral O’Hara are both on the International Space Station (ISS) right now. They just made history. According to NASA and the Biden White House, they performed the very-first-in-human-history ALL FEMALE SPACEWALK.
Moghbeli and O’Hara spent 6 hours and 42 minutes outside the ISS in the vastness of space. If we’re being totally honest, that’s impressive. They made repairs to some stuff in space with their big bag of expensive space tools.
Suck it, patriarchy!
Then, the first ALL FEMALE SPACEWALK accidentally dropped their expensive tool bag in space. Much to the chagrin of Moghbeli and O’Hara, the expensive bag of NASA tools then floated out of reach. And every husband in America smacked his forehead in unison for some reason.
If you break out a pair of powerful binoculars, you can easily spot the ISS floating by in the night sky. But thanks to the first ALL FEMALE SPACEWALK, you can now spot an extra object. If you look two to four minutes to the west of the ISS (which are directions that only men can understand), you can spot a shiny rectangular box all the way from down here on earth.
If that box should fall on your front lawn for some reason, please call NASA. They’d like their space tools back.